Biadap?? Rude??

Assalamualaikum...

Topik macam tak best... ya, mmg tak best... ada ka, orang suka dilabel "rude" atau "biadap"?

TAK KAN~~~

TAKDA KAN~~~

*wuhuuuuu....tears role down my cheek* =(

Pada aku la kan, kalau someone cakap kita 'rude' atau 'biadap' actually it refer to parent... My parent tahu x? Aku sayang diorang tahu tak?! 

*nie kes cursing yg serius punya, kalau setakat bergurau kasar ngan kawan-kawan, then cakap "kuwang hajor eh kau", tu x termasuk dalam kes nie*

There was an incident... masa aku present case... Kena bom dengan soalan2 dan teguran2 yang berapi... Dah lama pun event tu lepas... dah 3-4 hari dah.. Even aku pun dah lupa dah the sequences.... 

To be a professional, I must act as a professional too... Yes, I admit... Aku jawab all those question, if I could lah... Kalau mmg aku salah, then aku admit la salah... Kalau orang tegur, then I say thank you.... If there suggestion, aku terima, and promise to explore more.... 

Just only a piece~a piece~a piece yang betul2 makan dalam.... 

Some 1: Actually this is wrong for U to use ~~tetetetete

Me: *Owh she's talking about this... oh yeah, got it... emmm... true... I should not do that...hmmm...ok2*. - my brain interpreting all those words silently-

~after a long pause~

Me: Yeah, that my mistake. I admit, I should't do that. 

*cakap dalam tone yang teruja seolah2.... "eh yala!!!.. salah..sepatutnya macam nie. adoi la kenapa aku tak perasan masa awal-awal dulu."*

Some 1: Wow... its shocking.. what such a 'good attitude' you have, even in admitting your fault. 

* very sinis sentence come out, together with the sinis glance* 

Semua orang dalam conference room tergamam or terkesima or teruja mungkin. Yala kan, we are discussing tentang real case... melibatkan masa depan seorang hamba Allah taw.. bukan nya, bahan experiment. 

After the incident, none of my answer been accepted... Even, there still someone who keep on arguing on what I had done to my patient. 

Some 1, yang aku maksudkan tuh, is someone yang aku respect... Someone yang sangat hebat... Sangat berpengalaman.... Someone who always demand on the word "respect"...

Aku langsung tak expect ayat macam tu keluar masa case presentation yang super havoc tu.

*eh...kenapa?? aku salah cakap ka tadi.. kenapa sekarang weh?*

I'm thinking while looking around searching for their eyes... My besties eyes... Dude I need ur courage, what I just heard is not really me kan?  

Sadly, I found none~~

ok then...

I continue, menegakkan benang yang dah basah lencun pun... 

Alhamdulillah, dah lepas satu tanggungjawab.... 

Pasal management patient tu, tak salah pun, but mungkin the way aku present tu yang menimbulkan persoalan..

Lagi pun masa present case, they just know my client based on my words... But I know my client by my heart, I know what is the best.

I'm not crying at all after the incident, cuma my lung rasa macam penuh dengan air... rasa macam nak lemas... curi-curi a few second, agak-agak line clear, just by blinking my eyes, some watery liquid came out. 

*trust me, I'm not crying at all*

For the whole day, I'm keep on standing, and saying "aku ok ja, biasala tu.. Aku naik bilik dulu eh..penat la...heee *draw a fake smile*"

People just care 

"Weh, kenapa kau jawab macam tu weh? tekejut aku dengar 'dia' kata mcam tu tadi"

" weh, tone kau kena polish lagi la weh"

What I'm hoping to hear

" Aku taw kau rasa pa sekarang... Kau nak kitorang diam dulu ka, kau nak happy2?"

" Cool Azi... aku rasa mcam ok ja, apa yang kau jawab tadi, mungkin 'dia' yang salah interpret.."

Bukan la nak suruh orang cakap aku betul, tapi biarla sekejap, just let me comfort my self. 

Balik bilik, I found out my roommate there... I wish she could lend me her shoulder. 

 but

~none~

She blame me even more... I even can't stop her... at last I have too

"Yala akak, ok faham... Azi penat la... Penat nak fikir... nanti kita cakap eh... tido jap.. sorry"

*empangan pecah*

The next day, cool down already... Meet my supervisor, and try to get the feedback personally from him based on the performance.

I also ask him about the "good attitude" things...

He just make me feel better ..

"Tak la Azi, standard la tu, bagi saya tak da apa lah... cuma tu la kadang-kadang kita punya longhat kedah nie, dia punya tone dengar macam kasar sikit... kita xleh predict orang punya interpretation"

=)

betul la, sebenarnya kita punya mother tongue punya dialek , akan effect kita punya bahasa pertuturan... sebab tula, even speaking in English, the tone still there.. X caya, try cakap, sambil rekod, then dengar balik.

mungkin, orang lain interpret nada aku macam nie

*yala, nak sangat kan? ok la fine! Aku la salah! Aku mengaku! Lain kali tak buat dah! puas hati?*

masa aku cakap...

Yeah,that my mistake. I admit, I should't do that.

 kan?? we never know

so, what happen today... I thought the wound already heal... So I call my mother... Miss her very much... 

Emosi tak emosi sangat la 

Mom: Lama tak telefon... Ok tak? bila exam nie? tak mau balik dulu ka?

Me: oooooo..... emmmm... ming-gu de-pan... 

*tut~tut~tut~tut~*

tak boleh nak cakap lagi hupenyer...

 she know me well... She text me..

"Anak mak nangis eh? Mesti tak comel kan. haha..

Ingat Allah.. Jangan jauh, jangan lupa dia...

Dalam banyak2 kasih sayang, kasih sayang Allah yang paling agung..

=)"

That's it...

XOXO

p/s: masa aku mula2 buat this blog, I swear akan cerita event-event yang best, yang sweet ja sebagai kenangan... tapi fake kan?? kehidupan harus la ada dugaan, cubaan dan rintangan... x semua pengalaman yang best tu, manis, dan x semua pengalaman yang ngeri tu, pahit... Life always up and down.... Jadi aku tulis entry kali nie, sebagai peringatan untuk diri aku pada masa akan datang... Aku harap aku tak ulang kesalahan yang sama lagi nanti... Sorry for all those words, andai ada menyentuh sensitiviti mana-mana pihak... =)

*case presentation*17th December 2013*Complete Left Unilateral Cleft Lip and Palate*